With the last vestige of PMS induced bitterness and antagonism coursing through my system, I thought Easter would be the perfect day to produce this little treasure of bitchery on one of my favorite topics- FAITH.
All too often I have heard religious automatons droning on about how they don't need to hear about such silly topics as "truth", "facts", and "reality" because they have something better than that.
They have FAITH.
Faith is a comforting notion to religious people, it allows them to discard actuality in favor of realism and remain steadfast on the path of ignorance, but I'll get to that in a minute.
If you notice, most Christians resort to prayer when they want to beg petty favors from god because things aren't quite going as well as they planned in life and they're scared and unhappy. They want a better car, and they want a bigger house and more money. Their kids are acting like douches and they think their spouse may be cheating.
Every now and then they'll throw in a few for a neighbor or friend and thus begins the process of bartering with the lord for their demands. Gimme this, gimme that. I want. And if you give it to me, I'll be a better person, God! I'll throw an extra $20 in the offering plate this Sunday and I'll stop excessively masturbating, why.... I'll even help an old lady cross the street if you do this for me. Me! Me! Me! and don't forget to Bless me while you're at it!
Personally, if I was God I would have flooded this planet ages ago just to be done with their endless whining.
When a Christian prays, they find comfort and peace in the non-action and the reason they feel this is because they have faith. They believe that their god will take care of them and do what is best for them, which is of course, whatever they want him to do- hence the prayers.
They have faith that because THEY are faithful to him, he will always be there and love them forever and ever, no matter how many shitty things they do and have done, and that when they kick it they're going to an everlasting paradise with mansions and gold streets and they'll finally get to see Big G sitting on his potty throne with Jesus. Everyone will be happy and no one will ever need anything and it will be like an eternal orgasm that will never stop. Yipee!
Christians know all about it because their bible states it and they have FAITH. "The bible says it, I believe it! I. Have. FAITH."
Faith is an unwavering belief. Like silent knowledge on the wings of absolute certainty, flying through your heaven bound soul and you know, you just know.... and you need know nothing else because you have faith.
Let us assume, for the briefest of moments, that Farmer John down the road also has faith. Blind comforting sheep's faith and he knows something too. He knows that if he performs the action of flapping his wings like a bird in the spot he marked with an X in his front yard everyday at noon for six months that he will have the power to climb on his roof, sprout wings out of his shoulder blades and fly through the brilliant blue sky. He KNOWS this will happen because he has faith! His family and friends and have all told him he's nuts, he isn't going to fly, but he doesn't listen to them, he doesn't need to. He has enough faith to know with complete assuredness that he is, indeed, going to sprout wings and fly.
Six months later Farmer John climbs to the top of his roof and he is overjoyed. He has performed the specified action faithfully, and he feels the power of that faith coursing through his soul. He knows that he is about to take flight so he takes a deep breath and a big leap of faith off the roof prepared to soar gloriously through the air like a happy hummingbird.....
What do you think is going to happen to Farmer John? He has faith that he will fly, he knows this, HE HAS FAITH!
Let me inform you of what happens next in this scenario: Farmer John takes the leap, gets three inches of airtime, and goes smashing into the yard, snapping his spine, breaking his neck and a couple of his broken ribs go splintering into a few vital organs. He dies.
That, my friends, is faith.
The preposterous notion that something will happen for no logical reason whatsoever. It is willful ignorance and insanity for fearful weak minds who are too lazy and irresponsible to take personal accountability for the course of their own lives. Morons turn to faith like frightened monkeys. They cling to faith in the face of reality because reality is too scary if it might mean they could have been wrong, or that something isn't going to go their way. They hide under the blanket of their faith like little children do when they're hiding from the boogeyman under the bed.
And like a junkie needing a fix, faith is the Christians drug of choice.
It's still a crutch and it is highly addictive. Faith destroys the logical thought process in the human mind, it halts evolution and personal growth because it boxes it's junkies into a narrowly confined realm of delusion, with NO room for progression and movement.
The bible tells you to have faith when you are faced with uncertainty and things you don't understand, like something that may clue your mindless airy head into the reality that you're being a fool by believing this nonsense in the first place.
Don't question! Have faith! = Don't THINK! Don't use your brain!
Well.. that was fun. Happy Easter, don't forget to pray this holiday, for all your desires and demands and don't forget to enjoy communion at your local church this evening.
Cannibalism FTW! :D
